Why would someone do something like that to their partner? Brother's new girlfriend took over the organization of the man's birthday and did it on the same day as his brother's, making him unable to attend.

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Aug 16, 2026 1:00 PM EDT

Maybe this story would be solved if brothers knew how to talk to each other…

Sometimes we assume a lot of responsibility for things that aren't really our problem. And maybe it would be even better to not get involved at all. That is the case in the story below, at least from my perspective. I get the fact that when your partner is having a problem, you want to fix it, and you are going to do everything in your power to do it, even if you actually can't. You will at least try. And I think that is extremely sweet, but sometimes it can be too much. We need to accept that we can't fix everything and we shouldn't get involved in every single problem our partner has.

When you are in an adult, mature, and healthy relationship, you understand that the most important thing for it to work is not only love, but communication. Talking can be the most important part of a relationship. Yes, you have to love each other, of course, but if you are people who keep everything to themselves, then the relationship is never going to work. It needs to be honesty, boundaries, and companionship. And that is achieved by having serious and honest conversations.

That being said, it's important to have that kind of communication in every bond that you have, whether it's with friends, family members, or coworkers. You need to be expressing yourself, the good and the bad. So maybe, if you have a problem, you are the one taking care of it by communicating instead of having your partner try to fix it for you. You have responsibilities with every emotional bond that you have. And it's yours, and only your responsibility, to take care of those bonds and the people attached to them. It's nice to have a partner that supports you through your hard times, but you are in charge of fixing your own problems, like an adult. Is important that if you have a dispute with someone, you don't have your partner getting that emotional issue on their back, and instead you are the one working hard to restore it. 

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  • 01
    So my boyfriends (27) brother (31), we'll call him Greg, has a birthday on Christmas eve. Because of this, my BF has always done a 'Greg fake birthday' around June to make sure Greg gets to properly celebrate his birthday with all his friends around. This year, Greg's girlfriend, we'll call her Polly (28), is organising Greg's fake birth day. Since getting with Polly, Greg has started slowly cutting ties with everyone in his life. BF has barely seen him the past year and everytime they do see ea
    via Gigachick
  • 02
    A birthday cake with candles.
    via Imants Kaziļuns

    A birthday cake with candles. 

  • 03
    to see BF and makes sure Greg does this too. The reason Polly hates BF is cos Polly was originally dating Greg's best friend and when Polly and Greg got together immediately after the breakup, BF refused to lie to their friend, her ex, about it. Anyway I could say so much about whats happened but thats not what this is about. A few months ago, Polly made a group chat to try and organise this fake birthday. She suggested late august/ early September, to which my BF responded that we wouldnt be ab
    via Gigachick
  • 04
    do the 25th because that is my BFs real actual birthday and so we'd be busy. Polly then kicked us out of the group chat and went on to organise Greg's FAKE birthday to be on my BFS VERY REAL BIRTHDAY, on the 24th and 25th. Everyone else is under the impression my BF and I refused to go and thats why we aren't involved, which is not true. My BF is the maker of Greg's fake birthday, of course he wants to be there. So, WIBTA if I make it clear to Greg why we aren't there. My plan is to send a messa
    via Gigachick
  • 05
    has fun, we would have loved to be there but Polly kicked us out when BF mentioned he was busy on his real birthday, and that hopefully next year it'll be a different time and we can make it. I know for a fact Polly is telling him we've chosen not to come because we dont like them, which is not true. Again, it is my BFs real birthday, of course we're going to be busy. Edit: Thanks for the advice everyone. think Im just going to leave things for now. I might message Greg to ask him what hes getti
    via Gigachick
  • 06
    that way in the small chance hes forgotten he'll be reminded. In terms of the party, I might message him on the day tell him I hope he has fun, but leave it at that. I dont want to stir the pot, and if he wants to know why we arent there he can ask, but at least he knows hes not forgotten
    via Gigachick
  • 07
    Balloons of different colors decorating a room.
    via Adi Goldstein

    Balloons of different colors decorating a room. 

  • 08
    Mrmini231 INFO: Why wait until the last day? If you want him to know the truth, shouldn't you have reached out immediately?
    via Mrmini231
  • 09
    ChocolateSnowflake YWBTA if you sent this message on the 24th. That's aiming for peak pettiness. Just do it now. You also seem to be putting a lot on blame on Polly and not recognising that Greg is a grown man with agency. He knows very well when his brother's birthday is and that his fake birthday is falling on the same date.
    via ChocolateSnowflake
  • 10
    NoWonder375 If Greg allows this happen, knowing it's your BFs actual birthday, then you have a Greg problem, not a Polly problem. This all sounds like straight up high school though. Stay out of it and let the brothers handle it, it isn't your business.
    via NoWonder375
  • 11
    SpicySweetHotPot Wouldn't Greg realize his fake birthday by Polly is on the same day as BF's?
    via SpicySweetHotPot
  • 12
    ryanxxi YWBTA IF you wait until the last day. Because then his birthday will be happening, there will be fighting on his "bday" and it will be just a experience for Greg. Do it now, tell your BF to talk to his brother. Greg should know that the 25th is his brothers bday no?
    via ryanxxi
  • 13
    DuckLord_92 You're all far too old to be entertaining this childish behaviour. Tell Greg now, get it over with.
    via DuckLord_92
  • 14
    Single-Aardvark9330 Surely Greg knows when his brother's birthday is, what does he have to say about the date?
    via Single-Aardvark9330
  • 15
    arifaix Info: Do you somehow think Greg has forgotten when his brothers birthday is? He knows 100% that this "fake birthday" has been organised on his brother's actual birthday. I don't understand why you think Greg doesn't know when his brother's birthday is and why you think Polly is the only one being problematic here.
    via arifaix
  • 16
    notrunningfast Greg is a big boy - he ought to know when his brothers actual birthday is. While I appreciate what you want to do, I think this is your BFs fight and it goes beyond the birthday. From what you describe, Polly sounds ab ive. She is slowly isolating Greg from his support network. You telling Greg what Polly did probably won't change anything - he's under her control now. Now is when his support network needs to reach out to him most. BF needs to tell Greg
    via notrunningfast
  • 17
    how much he cares about him. BF needs to tell Greg that you aren't going to his birthday because of the date and Polly's actions but also set up a time for them to do something together. This will be difficult because Polly will interfere but BF has to keep trying until Greg wakes up NTA but don't do it
    via notrunningfast
  • 18
    One-Writer-4376 Why can't your BF just pick up the phone and talk to his brother about this? The minute Polly kicked yall out and you found out the date, Greg should have been on the phone talking to his brother about the date. Polly is controlling. Greg will be isolated from his family soon enough
    via One-Writer-4376

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family drama girlfriend toxic relationship brothers
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